Tuesday, March 31, 2009

i love sexgod ! :)

so lately for the past 5 maybe 6 even weeks, i have been having a bible study with the ladies :) &the book we are reading is called SEXGOD by ROB BELL! that's what the book looks like on the front. pretty plain looking. gives it a warm feeling, but hear are what the different chapters are titled :
-introduction: This Is Really About That
-chapter 1: God Wears Lipstick
-chapter 2: Sexy On the Inside
-chapter 3: Angels and Animals
-chapter 4: Leathers, Whips, and Fruit
-chapter 5: She Ran Into the Girl's Bathroom
-chapter 6: Worth Dying For
-chapter 7: Under the Chuppah
-chapter 8: Johnny and June
-chapter 9: Whoopee Forever

soo ! i just wanted to show you the different chapters because they're very different titles you wouldn't hear normally. but Ive actually been learning a lot. especially my view towards people. I've been learning a lot from this book. for example, say i look at someone and say they're ugly. I'm really saying that god is ugly almost because god made everyone in his eyes &through what he sees. I'm saying god's creation is ugly which really isn't true. so! I'm learning how to not judge &really have a different view. almost like seeing them through god's eyes which i wish i can do everyday, all day. another thing that's been going through my head is the cross &the meaning. i used to think that the cross was just a symbol more than having a meaning. i knew Jesus died on it and gave his life for us on that cross, but it really means more.
"it's God's suffering, God's pain, God's broken heart."
"if you've ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed & vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, the reciprocated with love of their own, you know how God feels.The cross is God's way of saying, "I know what it's like." "

i think the whole cross thing relates to a movie i just watched which was amazing !:)
it was called fireproof and we watched it for friday night fellowship. during one part of the movie, the guy has a conversation with his dad and this is exactly what he says:

John Holt: Has she thanked you for anything you've done the last 20 days?
Caleb Holt: No! And you'd think after I washed the car, I've changed the oil, do the dishes, cleaned the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude. But she doesn't! In fact, when I come home, she makes me like I'm - like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, Dad. That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks, I have bent over backwards for her. I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, Dad. I'm not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?
John Holt: [touches, then leans against cross] That's a good question.

people in real life act in this same way towards God, maybe not in the actions but you get the point. its just like in sexgod where rob bell talks about God knowing how it feels like. God definitely knows how it feels to be rejected by people. when people forget God is there, its almost like rejection. there are so many other ways people reject God and when we get rejected ourselves, we sometimes dont think anyone else knows how it feels. its so crazy how everything just connects. reading that the cross was God's way of saying "I know what its like" and then seeing it happen in the movie was so incredible. i really do love that movie !(: God has really been showing me amazing things and making my eyes open to so many things I've never realized. praise god! :)

Sunday, March 29, 2009


if havent said so already.. i got into LOWELL! :) &really proud of myself for that accomplishment :]but asides from that, i found out my boyfriend, chris got into ucla &im soo very proud of him. :) i know that'll he do really well there and be successful from ucla. the hard thing is knowing that he'll be really far away. i cant think about it now because its not happening till the end of september. when he leaves, i wont be able to see him every weekend or text him when i want and get a reply. but i have to understand that its not always about me. &especially between me and him. i dont really wanna worry about this now but i dont want to not be ready for when that day comes because if i dont think about it till it actually happens then i think it'll hurt more compared to if i think about it now &get used to it. i always miss him but when he's LITERALLY further away, it seems to hurt more.. the feeling of not having him close sorta hurts.

we've gone through so much &i think that when he goes college and i go highschool, it'll be like a growing step in our relationship. that even though we may be far from each other that it doesnt affect the relationship between us. it'll stay strong no matter where either of us are. 4 years is a long time, but i can wait that long ;) not having him through highschool as much as i want him to be around is okay. he'll always be back for breaks & stuff. and if i really needed him and i was dying, i'd call him or if he gets a webcam, i'll see him there (:

i dont know why but i cant wait for the future. im living life as it is now but i wanna see what happens.. its like waiting for your dream to actually happen cause you know how you always have that dream of growing up &how it'll be? well thats what i wanna see, what my future will look like.. its sorta exciting actually that we're all growing up & becoming more independent. :) i like being able to do anything & going out more and what not :] its always fun! when i get older though, i'll be able to go out even more (: exciting.:) hahah.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

its starting to end..

oh its been soo much fun being able to just relax this past school year, but i start realizing that its almost ending. middle school will soon be over and high school will just be starting. this past saturday i found out i got into lowell! very proud of myself :) i know it'll be a challenge, but it'll be worth it! track is almost over and i wont be doing middle school sports anymore. school carnival, 8th grade picnic, great america, and most important..GRADUATION will soon be heading my way. its sorta crazy how 3 years of middle school are almost over and it'll soon be another chapter in life. things are happening so fast &i just wish that i could just sit and watch things happen slowly. it feels like theres so many good &bad memories of middle school, but i have so many more memories to make in high school which is more memorable. high school will be where i realize who my real friends are &who i really am. :) its seriously gonna be an exciting rest of the school year :]

Saturday, March 07, 2009

chris tomlin concert

so yesterday i was able to go to a christomlin concert & it was AHMAZING :) israel & new breed opened for them and it was just crazy fun :) i always loved concerts! this was my 6 or 7th concert. i've been to a chris tomlin concert before but didnt know the songs as much. but LOUIE wasnt there and didnt speak :( oh wells, the music paid off for it ! hahaha.

going into details about yesterday, we drove up to sacramento and it took like 3 hours cause there was an accident on the freeway so once we get to sac-town (as they call it) its almost 630PM so we decide to eat dinner. we see this japanese restaurant and walk towards it. it was across the street from where the concert was at and i see tour busses. some guy walks out & i yell " HI! :)" and wave and he waved back. later that night i found out he was the guiatarist! hahaha. but back to talking about dinner, it was different. very modern & there was a bar. but we sat on a lounge couch thing and it was very fun actually. hahah :) we ordered sushi and it was PRETTY good! :) three out of 4 of them were fried but they were satisfying cause i was hungry :] so after dinner we go line up for the concert and get inside. the concert was at sacramento memorial i think and it was pretty. not bad in size actually, rather large but we were close to the "stage."

chris tomlin's new album is called hello love . i really liked the name of it! :) hahaha. but israel and new breed started the whole concert off and even on the very first song everyone was so pumped up and i felt like god's love was everywhere and seeing all the people inside one building, praising one god made me realize more that god isnt just in one place but is everywhere. he doesnt only work in san francisco or sacramento or california but all over the world. its so indescribable (hahah they played that song yesterday) ..we all have different stories, cultures, etc. but we all come together to worship one god & live our lives out for him. how we're all brothers and sisters in christ and united together as one. it just takes one to change a little bit of this world. the power of one. :)