hmm?..

lately ive been realizing many things that i couldnt find out by myself.. you start learning from friends and through prayer, you just cant do it by yourself. ive got many answers from praying &from talking with close friends, but how can i be sure if they are right? im always questioning myself to whether or not what i am doing is right or not and lately it seems like thats all ive been doing.
-is this what i want?
-is this what i need?

i want to just leave things alone but how can i do that. i feel like i have to act upon it.. i dont know. i have just been feeling so uneasy this past month because of everything thats been happening to me. people say its okay but is it really ? ive been told "you'll be okay, dont worry.." but how can you be that way? it is so natural to feel uneasy about what happened.. it felt so easy to be "happy" and act happy, but was it all just a show ? honestly was i really happy? or was i just acting that way so people wouldnt ask? but maybe it was easier to be mad about everything else than focus on better things

reality is reality. things change. people change. what happened, happened. you cant change the past & you cant change others .. but you can change yourself. maybe im the one that needs to be more open. maybe im the one that needs change.. i dont even know. im so confused.. lately thats all ive been.. maybe WE need change.

hopefully my answers to all my questions right now come soon. through prayer i know god knows what is best. &maybe if this isnt what god wants then thats whats best. because bigger & better things will come from it. (learned that from a friend).. to always stay positive & have faith.

all i want is to have what we had, back.. things definitely arent what they used to be. &now i just wish that there was that spark that we used to have..