mondays are one of thee best days of summer :)

so today i bussed to chan baby's house ! hahaha justkidding. chris' house and went to the beach. it actually wasnt cold which was sorta surprising :) it was "just right" hahaha. but whenever we go to the beach together, we learn something new about each other each time. && we talk a lot more than usual. maybe its because the beach gives us that warmth inside & relaxing feeling ... but we really open up to each other and talk about some really interesting things. then we went over to the cliffhouse area & looked over the waves: ) that was fun . walked to the bus stop and caught the 38 to go eat "lunchdinner" and got some tapioca !(: that was good but then it started getting really cold. ); hahaha so we were gonna go to the park nearby but then chris saw his basketball buddies there soo we didnt go and got picked up and went back to his crib(: haahha. i got to watch chris &allison play brawl together and boy was allison a CUTIE !:D hahah she was sooo concentrated on winning. but then i left & went to watch the bronze game. they lost unfortunately. but oh wells ! its just a game :] then went home & here i am now !(: hahahaha.

soo its almost august which means it the last month before school starts for me.. sadly ): but im leaving for hawaii soon which is gonna be one of thee best parts of summer :D this year im not going baayf but i do have another four years. but i do pray that everyone going there would learn more about god and get closer to him while they are there. & also that they wouldnt get a "spiritual high" because those can die down. but that their love and faith in you would be everlasting and that not just because of camp that they feel they would have to grow from there & that they have to get away to grow closer to you but that its just something that will help them grow more. i wont be able to meet new people or get closer with god but i think hes been speaking to me even though im not gonna be away at a camp. maybe god is using chris and helping me grow spiritually through him. he encourages me through what he says to make me wanna do the same. i dont know if that makes sense or not but i dont know how to describe whats happening. i guess to just "sum" up what i said (which sounded like jibberish) is that chris supports me in my faith and in return im helping him grow spiritually and i guess it just helps me and when i see him growing in god, it makes me wanna too.

yeah i was talking to someone the other day and they said to me . " i sorta feel like people go to church for the wrong reasons " && honestly i didnt expect that at ALL ! hahaha. i was thinking to myself " huh ? hmmm this is surprising. why would he/she say that ?" and i asked oh what made you say that and they said to me.. i dont know i just feel like in general the people at church arent there for the right reasons.. and it honestly did get me thinking hard. i was just so confused and surprised. i didnt know what to say back.

i havent been going to the rescue mission lately.. i know its not a "have to" but like everytime i went .. theres always sooo many people there that i barely do anything.. and then when you dont do anything it gets sorta boring.. so yeah i havent been going for awhile .. probably like 3 maybe 4 weeks. wont be going next 2 weeks either cause im in hawaii so idk. i want to help people out & serve unto others but then if i go there and theres other people already doing things than i cant & im just standing around. sooooo hopefully the next time i go, i'll be able to do something and be a good little helper !(: hahahaha

hahahhaa last thing to say..

:: friends suck :) but really are one of thee best things in life you can ever have .. besides god, your family & your loved one :) hahha but friends are up there on the list ! :: hehehehe



oh && i just wanted to say . HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 is one of my favorite movies EVER ! :D hahahhaha i dont care if you dont like it.. i'll MAKE YOU LIKE IT !(:

oh.. hes GOT a plan !(:

friends are amazing and you should cherish the friendship made & the relationship between you two :D friends, ( well depending on the "friend" ) help you in so many ways. they can be reliable, trustworthy, loyal, fun to be around :) i dont know just everything. &&sometimes you take for granted almost that you'll always have friends. never forget about your friends because the good ones will stick by your side;) they got your back and encourage&support you to do better than what you think you can. they'll be there to talk or listen and hang out. friends are one of thee best things about my life and they're soo important to me (:

&&honestly. im really excited for lowell, but ! hecka scared at the same time only because of all the competition and people around. OTHER THAN THAT THOUGH.... im so ready to meet new people and have the experience of HIGHSCHOOL that i have been waiting for :D i really think imma have a blast at lowell even though most people ( other than the ones that go there ) dont like it :) but its all good !(: it'll be a new fun, learning adventure :D hahahaa adventure ! i think it will be. who knows ! but i really pray for the school year and everything that happens. i pray that i wont get sidetracked by all the school work and what not and forget about doing my devotions, prayers, and everything else. i pray for everyone else too that they wont forget and keep living their lives out as children of god!(: i pray that throughout the year that i will bring people to him whether it would be to fellowship or church. && if i do, then i pray that they would stick with it and realize that they have a purpose for being there & that they wouldn't think they are there for the wrong reasons. GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING :)

i think that is my theme this summer& the rest of the year.
GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING :)

this school year will be different than what im used to, but im excited and hopeful for everything to come! :) i really do pray that this will be the year that i would bring someone to christ. or at least one of these years.. hahhaha ( ; i got four of them for highschool (: it'll happen one of those years fasho :D hahahaha !(: i thank god for everything that has been happening this summer . i know its still not over and we still have about a little over a month.. but so far, im LOVING IT !(: im so blessed and thankful for everything. i wish that summer could be longer but its okay :D cause then the school year will be coming around & then what i have hoped for could happen....

that i would bring someone ( or people ) to christ just like how i had and still have the opportunity to know him & learn more about the big GOD! (:

i really hope it happens. i know.. GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERYTHING :) and im hoping this is apart of it ! :D

FOURTHOFJULY:)

fourth of july yesterday :) and i think it was maybe one of thee best yet :D i got to spent it at GOLDENGATEPARK with the loves <3 hahaha(: it was really tiring but soo much fun :) then after, got tapioca at my FAVORITE (: ..WONDERFULFOODS ! loveeeee that place :) went back to their house & had dinner(: made our own spring rolls and i gotta say.. mine looked pretty GOOD like the ones you see in the restaurants :D HHAHAHA! had a yummy cookie && then played one game of supersmashbrothersmelee but then the guys kicked me off.. hahaha. then i played rockband with christopher.:) KILLED HIM! (: then watched fever pitch while the other more ADULT GROUP played.. PHASE 10 ! so i had the lil kiddies and they got restless and wanted to watch FIREMANSAM! hhahaha. who knows what that is ?? i dont. soo we did that and then christopher left to go bowling with his HOMEBRUHS and i tried putting terri to sleep.. didnt work! BOOO! ): then we left and went home :) while the little kiddies were watching tv though, me and chris got to talk and stuff (: and i REALLY REALLY LIKED IT <3 it was a good talk :D and im very glad we got to have it :) &&i think this talk we had really helped our relationship even though it wasnt really long.. but it was really meaningful :)

MICHELLE LI'S BIRTHDAY AND JASMINE K.'S BIRTHDAY ARE COMING UP SOON !:) and i need to plan something :D well.. for michelle at least but when jasmine comes back from newyork in august then i'll do something for her too when i get back from hawaii :) im soo excited for hawaii !(: AUGUST!!! its sooo close (: yay ! this summer is happening too fast ): and i wish we could go back to the day i graduated... ): that was the start of my summer..

its not my will. its his.

and i knew this time would come where sooner or later, hes gonna leave for school. &&this is probably one of thee hardest thing i'll ever go through . and one of those touchy subjects that just make you cry everytime you think about it..

i know things will work out in the end. faith&trust&everything will help keep this relationship. i think the thing that makes this hard is that ive never known what it feels like to have someone leave me.. i know that it will not be a good bye but it will be a see you later. four years of school without him & only seeing him when he comes back may be hard, but honestly deep down.. i know me and him together will make this work. i know i'll miss him everyday, but theres nothing wrong with that. :) hahaha. they do say, "ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER" .. this definitely will be a growing experience for both of us. but ill be behind chris 200% of the way :D im proud of my boy getting into ucla. :) and i'll be there for him every step of the way and every decision he makes!(: &i know that he wants the college experience so i'll support him all the way. i'll wait four years...and i'll wait more if i have to.. :) i'd do anything to make this relationship last cause he's helped me realize more about myself and others. hes made me see things differently and helped me change into a better person. :) im so thankful and blessed to have him & i cant lose that kind of person in my life.

and after writing this.. i think four years will be nothing!(; it'll be a piece of cake. well maybe not that easy.. hahaha!(: but i know that everything will work out in the end.
GODSPLANANDGODSWILL ! PLANS TO PROSPER YOU AND NOT TO HARM YOU. PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE & A FUTURE.
i think ive got it good & i have nothing to worry about.. :)

its coming together

&&this is what ive been waiting for. i think this past week is probably one of the best weeks this whole summer. even though summer may have just started. i feel this week was very accomplishing :)& im glad ! (: my prayers .. well some have been answered. ive been wanting to grow my faith together with chris.. &&what he said to me this past week just made myself go "wow." and thats what i love about having fellow brothers and sisters in christ. they help you realize things that you would have never thought. at first i was surprised that he did say that to me, but after i thought about it, i wasnt anymore.

&maybe i am being a jerk. i dont know. maybe it is wrong on my part && i shouldnt be that way. BUT ARGH! its so hard. but chris also did make me realize that i shouldnt be that way. :) HES SO GOOD &HELPFUL. hahah(: im not gonna let others get in the way of my summer. so being a non jerk would help ! hahaha!(; im not really jerky though.. LMBO.
my mom always says ..

IT TAKES TWO TO START A FIGHT. NOT ONE

i dont start it .. im just the after shock:) SERIOUSLY TRUE!
but things will come together with the help of god. i am FASHO about that!:) through the good and bad always praise god !:D

its summer

its finally summer and i want to accomplish something this year :) taking the NEXT step but how will i know what that is ?i think thats my goal for this summer. to take the next step in this relationship with god. i dont know what it'll be but sooner or later through prayer & preservation, i know that i will have accomplished something this summer . &that would be "TAKING THE NEXT STEP" :D

GOD KNOWS WHAT IS BEST & I NEED TO KEEP REMEMBERING THAT. MY WANTS&NEEDS&WISHES arent whats good for me if god hasn't planned for it. so i need to stop and tell myself more often, this is god's will. NOT MINE.

&why do i find myself questioning a lot ?
&what will that next step in my faith be ?

hmm?..

lately ive been realizing many things that i couldnt find out by myself.. you start learning from friends and through prayer, you just cant do it by yourself. ive got many answers from praying &from talking with close friends, but how can i be sure if they are right? im always questioning myself to whether or not what i am doing is right or not and lately it seems like thats all ive been doing.
-is this what i want?
-is this what i need?

i want to just leave things alone but how can i do that. i feel like i have to act upon it.. i dont know. i have just been feeling so uneasy this past month because of everything thats been happening to me. people say its okay but is it really ? ive been told "you'll be okay, dont worry.." but how can you be that way? it is so natural to feel uneasy about what happened.. it felt so easy to be "happy" and act happy, but was it all just a show ? honestly was i really happy? or was i just acting that way so people wouldnt ask? but maybe it was easier to be mad about everything else than focus on better things

reality is reality. things change. people change. what happened, happened. you cant change the past & you cant change others .. but you can change yourself. maybe im the one that needs to be more open. maybe im the one that needs change.. i dont even know. im so confused.. lately thats all ive been.. maybe WE need change.

hopefully my answers to all my questions right now come soon. through prayer i know god knows what is best. &maybe if this isnt what god wants then thats whats best. because bigger & better things will come from it. (learned that from a friend).. to always stay positive & have faith.

all i want is to have what we had, back.. things definitely arent what they used to be. &now i just wish that there was that spark that we used to have..

be hau'oli:)

havent done one of these in hecka long..

this week was crazy. and this next week coming up will be even more crazy.. theres only so little time left. uhmm yesterday was a very long&tiring day.. started off with me getting my finger slammed between the van door ): started bleeding like crazy. had to change my bandaid every 10minutes. so i cant really bend it either cause it got smashed right where you bend your finger.. ): it sucks :/ but had 8th grade picnic & fellowship. i was just really tired & yesterday felt so long. my head kept spinning wiht all the thoughts & what not.. but luckily its all over. finally..

theres just so little time before its summer & a new school year.
-monday: great america
-tuesday: grad practice, bball practice( if my finger is better), DADS BIRTHDAY:)
-wednseday: grad practice
-thursday: WASH H.S. grad, grad practice for 3hours.
-friday: my graduation;)

& then school is over for me..): its so sad but yet so exciting. im going to miss everyone but im so excited for summer. this next week is gonna past by so fast): im not ready for it.. or all the changes that are gonna happen. but whatever it takes, i'll try& be ready for it. i just gotta be positive about everything happening

oh 'darling

its been a pretty exciting yet crazy year. just decided to put up pictures :) hehe. ive been really blessed and i thank god soo much :] he's been soo amazing to me &the people around me. im so thankful for what hes been doing in my life and also in others. :)ilovegod ! always gonna put him first ! :)

I LOVE PHOTOBOOTHS (: they are just something i always loved in life (:
o4.18.08 :)fifteenmonths. growing stronger each day
i think this is probably one of our bests :) at least i think sojanakaye &me @ a gelato place in north beach :) so good !
chelle &me. when i took shantelles camera and camera whored :)
me.chelle&janakaye on a lovely rainy day. this is what we do.. take pictures !:)

i love sexgod ! :)

so lately for the past 5 maybe 6 even weeks, i have been having a bible study with the ladies :) &the book we are reading is called SEXGOD by ROB BELL! that's what the book looks like on the front. pretty plain looking. gives it a warm feeling, but hear are what the different chapters are titled :
-introduction: This Is Really About That
-chapter 1: God Wears Lipstick
-chapter 2: Sexy On the Inside
-chapter 3: Angels and Animals
-chapter 4: Leathers, Whips, and Fruit
-chapter 5: She Ran Into the Girl's Bathroom
-chapter 6: Worth Dying For
-chapter 7: Under the Chuppah
-chapter 8: Johnny and June
-chapter 9: Whoopee Forever

soo ! i just wanted to show you the different chapters because they're very different titles you wouldn't hear normally. but Ive actually been learning a lot. especially my view towards people. I've been learning a lot from this book. for example, say i look at someone and say they're ugly. I'm really saying that god is ugly almost because god made everyone in his eyes &through what he sees. I'm saying god's creation is ugly which really isn't true. so! I'm learning how to not judge &really have a different view. almost like seeing them through god's eyes which i wish i can do everyday, all day. another thing that's been going through my head is the cross &the meaning. i used to think that the cross was just a symbol more than having a meaning. i knew Jesus died on it and gave his life for us on that cross, but it really means more.

"it's God's suffering, God's pain, God's broken heart."
"if you've ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed & vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, the reciprocated with love of their own, you know how God feels.The cross is God's way of saying, "I know what it's like." "

i think the whole cross thing relates to a movie i just watched which was amazing !:)
it was called fireproof and we watched it for friday night fellowship. during one part of the movie, the guy has a conversation with his dad and this is exactly what he says:

John Holt: Has she thanked you for anything you've done the last 20 days?
Caleb Holt: No! And you'd think after I washed the car, I've changed the oil, do the dishes, cleaned the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude. But she doesn't! In fact, when I come home, she makes me like I'm - like I'm an enemy! I'm not even welcome in my own home, Dad. That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks, I have bent over backwards for her. I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, Dad. I'm not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?
John Holt: [touches, then leans against cross] That's a good question.

people in real life act in this same way towards God, maybe not in the actions but you get the point. its just like in sexgod where rob bell talks about God knowing how it feels like. God definitely knows how it feels to be rejected by people. when people forget God is there, its almost like rejection. there are so many other ways people reject God and when we get rejected ourselves, we sometimes dont think anyone else knows how it feels. its so crazy how everything just connects. reading that the cross was God's way of saying "I know what its like" and then seeing it happen in the movie was so incredible. i really do love that movie !(: God has really been showing me amazing things and making my eyes open to so many things I've never realized. praise god! :)

growing

if havent said so already.. i got into LOWELL! :) &really proud of myself for that accomplishment :]but asides from that, i found out my boyfriend, chris got into ucla &im soo very proud of him. :) i know that'll he do really well there and be successful from ucla. the hard thing is knowing that he'll be really far away. i cant think about it now because its not happening till the end of september. when he leaves, i wont be able to see him every weekend or text him when i want and get a reply. but i have to understand that its not always about me. &especially between me and him. i dont really wanna worry about this now but i dont want to not be ready for when that day comes because if i dont think about it till it actually happens then i think it'll hurt more compared to if i think about it now &get used to it. i always miss him but when he's LITERALLY further away, it seems to hurt more.. the feeling of not having him close sorta hurts.

we've gone through so much &i think that when he goes college and i go highschool, it'll be like a growing step in our relationship. that even though we may be far from each other that it doesnt affect the relationship between us. it'll stay strong no matter where either of us are. 4 years is a long time, but i can wait that long ;) not having him through highschool as much as i want him to be around is okay. he'll always be back for breaks & stuff. and if i really needed him and i was dying, i'd call him or if he gets a webcam, i'll see him there (:

i dont know why but i cant wait for the future. im living life as it is now but i wanna see what happens.. its like waiting for your dream to actually happen cause you know how you always have that dream of growing up &how it'll be? well thats what i wanna see, what my future will look like.. its sorta exciting actually that we're all growing up & becoming more independent. :) i like being able to do anything & going out more and what not :] its always fun! when i get older though, i'll be able to go out even more (: exciting.:) hahah.

its starting to end..

oh its been soo much fun being able to just relax this past school year, but i start realizing that its almost ending. middle school will soon be over and high school will just be starting. this past saturday i found out i got into lowell! very proud of myself :) i know it'll be a challenge, but it'll be worth it! track is almost over and i wont be doing middle school sports anymore. school carnival, 8th grade picnic, great america, and most important..GRADUATION will soon be heading my way. its sorta crazy how 3 years of middle school are almost over and it'll soon be another chapter in life. things are happening so fast &i just wish that i could just sit and watch things happen slowly. it feels like theres so many good &bad memories of middle school, but i have so many more memories to make in high school which is more memorable. high school will be where i realize who my real friends are &who i really am. :) its seriously gonna be an exciting rest of the school year :]

chris tomlin concert

so yesterday i was able to go to a christomlin concert & it was AHMAZING :) israel & new breed opened for them and it was just crazy fun :) i always loved concerts! this was my 6 or 7th concert. i've been to a chris tomlin concert before but didnt know the songs as much. but LOUIE wasnt there and didnt speak :( oh wells, the music paid off for it ! hahaha.

going into details about yesterday, we drove up to sacramento and it took like 3 hours cause there was an accident on the freeway so once we get to sac-town (as they call it) its almost 630PM so we decide to eat dinner. we see this japanese restaurant and walk towards it. it was across the street from where the concert was at and i see tour busses. some guy walks out & i yell " HI! :)" and wave and he waved back. later that night i found out he was the guiatarist! hahaha. but back to talking about dinner, it was different. very modern & there was a bar. but we sat on a lounge couch thing and it was very fun actually. hahah :) we ordered sushi and it was PRETTY good! :) three out of 4 of them were fried but they were satisfying cause i was hungry :] so after dinner we go line up for the concert and get inside. the concert was at sacramento memorial i think and it was pretty. not bad in size actually, rather large but we were close to the "stage."

chris tomlin's new album is called hello love . i really liked the name of it! :) hahaha. but israel and new breed started the whole concert off and even on the very first song everyone was so pumped up and i felt like god's love was everywhere and seeing all the people inside one building, praising one god made me realize more that god isnt just in one place but is everywhere. he doesnt only work in san francisco or sacramento or california but all over the world. its so indescribable (hahah they played that song yesterday) ..we all have different stories, cultures, etc. but we all come together to worship one god & live our lives out for him. how we're all brothers and sisters in christ and united together as one. it just takes one to change a little bit of this world. the power of one. :)

LG - amazing! :)

havent written one of these lately but wanted to write some stuff thats been happening to me these past two weeks. i should be doing homework but oh wells. i wanna do this first(:


so in the past two fellowships on friday night, jim showed youtube videos of a speaker named louie giglio. i actually went to a chris tomlin concert and he spoke there & i sat front row! but i didnt really understand & grasp the concept much only cause i was a lot younger. i wish i did cause the message he gives is so incredible. you can find it on youtube. i think just type in louie giglio and then click on the one that says indescribable. and watch all 5 PARTS! (: you'll be very satisfied after watching! :] promise! :D
there was also another video that ive NEVER seen before which also was absloutely incredible and it talked about laminin. Laminin is a protein in our bodies that is the reason for holding us all together. you can watch the video on youtube and be in awe yourself. i dont wanna spoil it! (:

its just something thats been pretty amazing to watch & its not a coincidence that god did these things. he has a reason for everything & knows everything :) hes indescribable. haha :]

humility

so today at church, donabel talked about the last shall be first & the first shall be last. also in sunday school, we were reading phillipians & how we should be humble. so i think that is my main goal this month. to put others before me. not let the focus be on me, but rather toward others :) i know that its hard cause we all wanna be better than everyone else & outshine others, but god doesnt do that. we try and live CHRISTLIKE, but how can we do that when we aren't putting others before ourselves? this is what we read in sunday school

phillipians 2:3-8 from the NIV
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross!

i think that we should all try & become more humble. its tough and challenging, but thats life. we become stronger from tough situations. so im really praying hard about this that i'll stick to my goal & become a better person. i pray that this wont be just a one day thing, but that it'll last forever and i grow more in my faith and relationship with god :)

ephesians 4:2 from the NIV
Be completely gentle and humble; be patient. Bearing with one another in love :)